So if any of you are, in fact, even bothering to still follow my sad, pathetic attempt at blogging, I will share with you a secret: I'm not very good at it. Shocking I know. Microblogging (e.g. Twitter/Facebook) I'm a whiz at. Blogging, not so much. To be fair, I've been ridiculously busy, so I'll excuse myself for this. Hopefully, moving forward I'll do better.
So, since my last posting, in a dramatic reversal of fortune, I once again bit off a lot to chew on with regard to theater. I was choreographing and performing in Willy Russell's "Blood Brothers" - a haunting musical play about twins separated at birth and the effects of class/socioeconomic status on an individual's life path. It was a very challenging role for me since it called for me to not only age from 7 up through late 20s over the course of the show, but also to play well outside of type and become a very gritty, broken down, desperate, eventually violent person. Unsurprisingly, these are roles I do not often play.
I've also been choreographing a production of "NINE" - a musical based off of Italian film director Federico Fellini's semi-autobiographical film "8 1/2." It's been a challenging project mostly because of the lack of rehearsal time given to me to stage the numbers I was responsible for - I got more rehearsal time for "Blood Brothers," which had virtually no *real* dancing in it than for this project! It basically came down to the fact that there was a lot to do on all fronts - directing, music, choreography - and not really enough time to delve into it as much as we'd like. It is starting to come together, though there's still a ways to go.
Today however, I'm reflecting mostly on an album that has gotten me thinking. One of my "Blood Brothers" castmates burned me a copy of the musical "bare," which is one of his favorite shows and that he'll be starring in soon. I started listening and haven't really stopped since. The music seems like an odd hybrid of "RENT," "Spring Awakening," and "Zanna Don't!" But, the themes are so close to home and they've dredged up a lot of old memories and the realization of how different my life is now.
Basically, the story centers around two closeted homosexual students in a Catholic boarding school trying to make sense of their feelings. One of them is the star student, athlete, all-around-great guy and the other is his roommate - a kind of geeky, theater kid. The latter decides over the course of the show that he wants to move forward and come out, the former is still fixated on the life he was "supposed" to have and doesn't want to stop being the golden boy by coming out.
Just a lot of really poignant and familiar things going on in the show for me... obviously easy to identify with elements of both of these characters, but particularly with the Jason character - the golden boy - who was so sure his life would go a certain direction and be a certain way.
I guess it just hammered home how different my own life is from where I thought I was going to be from back then, and has me thinking about where to take it from here. I guess sometimes something comes into your life that really hits you at the right time and for the right reasons and causes you to be truly grateful for the directions your life has taken and inspiring you to figure out what comes next. I've been feeling like something like that was overdue for awhile, and I think this unlikely source - a happenstance sharing of a relatively obscure musical from a friend - is kind of striking that chord right now. Can't wait to see where it leads from here...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, October 20, 2008
Action - Reaction
So I've been pretty sick the last couple of weeks, and since that typically entails a lot of lying around in a highly medicated haze unable to do much, it often means your mind has plenty of time to run rampant. So my mind started running over many topics, one of which was where I ended up in life versus where I thought I'd end up. Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't change anything I've done including the mistakes, because they've made me who I am today; however, I always find it interesting to compare where your youthful fancies placed you versus where life leads you.
I think the single most significant thing I realized during my prescription induced coma was that I feel like I've been in a constantly reactive mode in recent years. I feel like I've had a lot of surprise twists and turns and that I've made lemonade out of the lemons along the way, so to speak. But, it doesn't negate the fact that so much of where I am is because I was bumped or pushed to where I was. It makes me wonder what happened to the the proactive go-getter element of my personality I used to have. I just feel like I've had so little drive or ambition to proactively go out and do anything, and I feel like that's maybe what's been contributing to my general sense of unease or feeling like something's missing in my life right now.
I suppose it's not much of a revelation, but while it may not be an epiphany that sends me in a new direction, perhaps it's even more important because it's telling me it's time to take control of what direction that is going to be.
I think the single most significant thing I realized during my prescription induced coma was that I feel like I've been in a constantly reactive mode in recent years. I feel like I've had a lot of surprise twists and turns and that I've made lemonade out of the lemons along the way, so to speak. But, it doesn't negate the fact that so much of where I am is because I was bumped or pushed to where I was. It makes me wonder what happened to the the proactive go-getter element of my personality I used to have. I just feel like I've had so little drive or ambition to proactively go out and do anything, and I feel like that's maybe what's been contributing to my general sense of unease or feeling like something's missing in my life right now.
I suppose it's not much of a revelation, but while it may not be an epiphany that sends me in a new direction, perhaps it's even more important because it's telling me it's time to take control of what direction that is going to be.
Monday, September 8, 2008
To sing or not to sing, that is the question...
So it's been awhile, but it's been a busy couple of weeks. Hurricane Lily (my mother) came to visit and while a blast, it always takes a little while to regain my equilibrium after she leaves! While she was here, we went down to NYC to see both "Gypsy" and "South Pacific," which were great. I have to admit I wasn't as big a fan of "South Pacific," but "Gypsy" was absolutely astounding. Not a weak performance on the stage, and Patti LuPone was beyond phenomenal. I feel like I was a witness to a legendary theater moment by watching her perform this role so masterfully. It was so wonderfully inspiring to see such a quality production, and really helped to reignite some of the fire into my own desire to perform.
That actually segues nicely into the main topic of discussion today. So, this weekend I auditioned and was called back for "Bat Boy The Musical," at a local theater where my friend Nancy is directing it. She directed me in my previous version of "Bat Boy" and I absolutely adored working with her and wanted to have the opportunity to do so again. This time, however, I was resolved that I would only take the role of Bat Boy. I had already played the only other role I was interested in before, and I felt like Bat Boy would provide a real opportunity to challenge myself as a performer. It came down to me and one other boy, also a Matthew, and while he's a young performer and a little rough around the edges he was pretty talented. Nancy was very kind to email me personally that same evening to let me know she had decided to cast the other Matthew. Her email was very thoughtful, and I wrote her to thank her for the opportunity and told her the truth, namely that I am positive we'll work together in the future.
That said, my fall suddenly opened up. And here's the craziest thing - I was so happy! By the time "No, No, Nanette" had finished, I was so ready for it to be done. I know that the Reagle schedule and the pace of the process was particularly intense - 4 weeknights and all weekend - and I know I was just burned out by the end. I was just looking forward to a little bit of time off to regain my bearings.
So, last week, I sat down to work out my schedule for "Little Shop Of Horrors," which I'm choreographing at Canton High. That show will pretty much be a cakewalk, as it's not a dance-heavy show at all, so I really knew there wouldn't be a huge problem if I were to do another show. But, when I started putting down that schedule and inserting potential "Bat Boy" rehearsals into the mix, I saw a schedule where I was again out 6 nights a week. It was at this moment that I really was wondering just how busy I wanted my fall to be, which is very unlike me. I just felt that familiar feeling of the burnout return as I thought about the potential schedule, and I seriously began to reconsider auditioning. I finally made the decision to at least go for it and see where the chips landed, and I'm glad that I did. I would have always wondered, I think, if I didn't at least go out for the role.
But, once I received that email from Nancy, after the initial shock and disappointment, all of a sudden I was filled with a profound sense of relief. Just knowing that I would only be out twice a week and for rehearsals that are short, easy, and I'm in control of was such a wonderful prospect. It was then I realized that I had basically been jumping from project to project with out much of a break for almost two years now, and I found myself really and truly looking forward to the break. In the end, I think it worked out well to have the decision made for myself. I don't know that I would have had the wherewithal to make that call for myself.
But, this newfound freedom and flexibility now brings with it other questions. I woke up this morning and my head was reeling with the thoughts of everything from the weekend, and one thing I realized was that I had been using theater in large part as an excuse to not examine and make some decisions about my life.
First, is the question of how theater fits into my life moving forward. I made the decision after "Pippin" that I wanted to be pickier with my projects. I really wanted to focus on theater experiences that looked like they would be really good, strong productions - Equity shows, working with directors or companies that I know/know of and trust. I didn't want to continue going out for shows because there was a role I wanted to play just to find out the production is really not going to be that good. I just ended up being dissatisfied when I did that, and I decided that even if I didn't work as often, that was not the experience I wanted to have with theater. But, beyond this decision to only work on more professional-quality projects, I am also faced with the larger question of how I want it to fit into my life in general. It's a very time-consuming and emotionally invested hobby, and it has had definite repercussions on both my social life and my professional life. I have a wonderful situation at work now to be able to do theater, but the question comes, if I'm looking to the future - a house, a family, etc. - I'll probably need a job that pays more than I'm making right now, and that means a job that will likely not have the same amount of flexibility or provide me the opporunity to do theater, at least at the same level if at all!
The decision to potentially give up theater is a huge one, since theater has been the one constant in my life from a very young age, and the thing I look forward to the most in my day. But, lately, just going to rehearsals felt like a chore, which is very unlike me. I wasn't sure if it's just because I was burned out on the "Nanette" schedule, or if I was really just getting to a point where my love for theater was begining to wane. I think this break will be a great opportunity to explore this - if I get through this period and am reenergized and chomping at the bit to do a show, then I'll know that what was happening was just an oversaturation.
This still doesn't mitigate the ultimate question, which it really how, or even if, theater fits in my life moving forward. That's another question I hope to answer for myself this fall, as I finally take the time to make some decisions and evaluate life priorities.
So, stay tuned as I explore this uncharted territory called "free time" and begin looking at the bigger picture!
That actually segues nicely into the main topic of discussion today. So, this weekend I auditioned and was called back for "Bat Boy The Musical," at a local theater where my friend Nancy is directing it. She directed me in my previous version of "Bat Boy" and I absolutely adored working with her and wanted to have the opportunity to do so again. This time, however, I was resolved that I would only take the role of Bat Boy. I had already played the only other role I was interested in before, and I felt like Bat Boy would provide a real opportunity to challenge myself as a performer. It came down to me and one other boy, also a Matthew, and while he's a young performer and a little rough around the edges he was pretty talented. Nancy was very kind to email me personally that same evening to let me know she had decided to cast the other Matthew. Her email was very thoughtful, and I wrote her to thank her for the opportunity and told her the truth, namely that I am positive we'll work together in the future.
That said, my fall suddenly opened up. And here's the craziest thing - I was so happy! By the time "No, No, Nanette" had finished, I was so ready for it to be done. I know that the Reagle schedule and the pace of the process was particularly intense - 4 weeknights and all weekend - and I know I was just burned out by the end. I was just looking forward to a little bit of time off to regain my bearings.
So, last week, I sat down to work out my schedule for "Little Shop Of Horrors," which I'm choreographing at Canton High. That show will pretty much be a cakewalk, as it's not a dance-heavy show at all, so I really knew there wouldn't be a huge problem if I were to do another show. But, when I started putting down that schedule and inserting potential "Bat Boy" rehearsals into the mix, I saw a schedule where I was again out 6 nights a week. It was at this moment that I really was wondering just how busy I wanted my fall to be, which is very unlike me. I just felt that familiar feeling of the burnout return as I thought about the potential schedule, and I seriously began to reconsider auditioning. I finally made the decision to at least go for it and see where the chips landed, and I'm glad that I did. I would have always wondered, I think, if I didn't at least go out for the role.
But, once I received that email from Nancy, after the initial shock and disappointment, all of a sudden I was filled with a profound sense of relief. Just knowing that I would only be out twice a week and for rehearsals that are short, easy, and I'm in control of was such a wonderful prospect. It was then I realized that I had basically been jumping from project to project with out much of a break for almost two years now, and I found myself really and truly looking forward to the break. In the end, I think it worked out well to have the decision made for myself. I don't know that I would have had the wherewithal to make that call for myself.
But, this newfound freedom and flexibility now brings with it other questions. I woke up this morning and my head was reeling with the thoughts of everything from the weekend, and one thing I realized was that I had been using theater in large part as an excuse to not examine and make some decisions about my life.
First, is the question of how theater fits into my life moving forward. I made the decision after "Pippin" that I wanted to be pickier with my projects. I really wanted to focus on theater experiences that looked like they would be really good, strong productions - Equity shows, working with directors or companies that I know/know of and trust. I didn't want to continue going out for shows because there was a role I wanted to play just to find out the production is really not going to be that good. I just ended up being dissatisfied when I did that, and I decided that even if I didn't work as often, that was not the experience I wanted to have with theater. But, beyond this decision to only work on more professional-quality projects, I am also faced with the larger question of how I want it to fit into my life in general. It's a very time-consuming and emotionally invested hobby, and it has had definite repercussions on both my social life and my professional life. I have a wonderful situation at work now to be able to do theater, but the question comes, if I'm looking to the future - a house, a family, etc. - I'll probably need a job that pays more than I'm making right now, and that means a job that will likely not have the same amount of flexibility or provide me the opporunity to do theater, at least at the same level if at all!
The decision to potentially give up theater is a huge one, since theater has been the one constant in my life from a very young age, and the thing I look forward to the most in my day. But, lately, just going to rehearsals felt like a chore, which is very unlike me. I wasn't sure if it's just because I was burned out on the "Nanette" schedule, or if I was really just getting to a point where my love for theater was begining to wane. I think this break will be a great opportunity to explore this - if I get through this period and am reenergized and chomping at the bit to do a show, then I'll know that what was happening was just an oversaturation.
This still doesn't mitigate the ultimate question, which it really how, or even if, theater fits in my life moving forward. That's another question I hope to answer for myself this fall, as I finally take the time to make some decisions and evaluate life priorities.
So, stay tuned as I explore this uncharted territory called "free time" and begin looking at the bigger picture!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
An Ode To Food
So, I've decided to "pick up the pen" again, as it were to begin jotting some musings down as they come, this time in the form of a new blog. Most good names of blogs are taken, but imagine my surprise when I realized that "Matt R Of Fact" was not! Clearly being a Matt R you can see the joy I felt at actually being allowed my first choice of word play for this blog!
We'll see how this blog goes as far as what it turns into. I prefer not to define or aim for anything, instead seeing how it flows in future. Either way, I'm sure there will be ranting galore, so do enjoy and feel free to comment if you so choose!
I figured, what better way to begin my new blog than by discussing the essence of us all, the foundation of our very existence, included in some way shape or form in every culture? Yes, I am talking about food. Food, glorious food... and, we're done with the Oliver! references. Promise.
I just finished the leftovers of a glorious sandwich from the deli across the street from my office that they call the Roast Beef Grand. This sandwich features fresh, juicy roast beef piled high atop a pleasantly grainy bread and topped with onions, tomatoes, cole slaw and a little bit of Russian dressing. I know, cole slaw, right? I never eat cole slaw - except on this sandwich, so maybe that tells you just how amazing it is.
Anyway, I begin this discussion because I think to myself just how delightfully wonderful this sandwich is, and just how sad it is that another landmark date is upon us. Oh, believe me these two thoughts are related, bear with me. You see, next Monday the nation will celebrate Labor Day (ironically by not working) heralding the titular end of summer and the beginning of fall. Children will be dragged sobbing from their beds where they until-all-too-recently had been allowed to slumber until noon or later if they so chose. No longer for them the lazy summer days filled with Wii, visiting friends, and trips to the beach. No, they must now begin their trek into their schools, resulting in a doubling of the traffic one usually sees on the morning commute (my question is - and will probably be posed again on Tuesday - where were all of these people at this time prior to Labor Day?). For many businesses and organizations the fall begins all too quickly. No longer the lighter workload allowing each person to use their much-coveted vacation time at staggered intervals during this three month period. The tasks mount and life begins anew. Indeed, one could argue that for many people Labor Day is nothing more than a slightly less glorified version of New Year's Day - those resolutions we conveniently forgot about during the summer suddenly find themselves resurrected and reinserted into our daily lives (for now).
Among those, many people use Labor Day as the "Fat Tuesday" of the summer - their last ditch effort to get in all of those last vices and pleasures before the reality of their newfound spartan existence begins. For, I ask you, what is the number one New Year's resolution, or at least what the media proffers as the leading candidate? You guessed it! Diet, exercise, lose weight, get healthy. A diet by any other name never smelled so foul.
Yes, I - along with many other people, I'd surmise - will begin the inevitable quest to "get healthier" and to get back "to normal" once more. No longer for us will there be the Roast Beef Grand sandwich to delight in. No more will there be cheese and crackers, martinis (fruity or otherwise!), mint M&Ms (which, by the way need to be outlawed), boneless buffalo wings doused in creamy blue cheese sauce. Instead, I return to the crunchy blandness of lettuce mix peppered with enough low-fat dressing to make it choke-downable. I return to the black hole of flavor that is a piece of chicken mixed with assorted vegetables. About the only thing to look forward to are the protein shakes I will get to have post-workout and throughout the day because they at least pretend to be flavored like chocolate and vanilla. Farewell to the mornings of "sleeping in" (ha!) until the late hour of 7:00 AM. Welcome back the 5:30 AM alarm clock ringings to rouse myself and kick off the day with the torturous weighlifting and cardiovascular routines that strive to turn the flavorless schlock consumed the day before into lean muscle mass.
Yes, I actually do enjoy working out and find joy in healthy food once I'm in the groove. But right now, I'm clinging to my last week of freedom to eat four cheese macaroni mixed with ground beef followed by cheesecake from Carnegie's deli. My unabashed desire (and subsequent followthrough) to order a martini sampler. I'm clinging to my additional hours of sleep and delightfully not sore limbs.
How do you think I will make this magical transformation between slothful glutton and model athlete? How can this change possibly be made overnight and maintained? Perhaps the pictures I plan on placing on the refridgerator reminding me of what I could look like if I don't stop myself from eating the entire half gallon of ice cream in one sitting; perhaps the fact that my body will probably be ready for a healthy, nutritious source of fuel; but more likely it's the realization that I might be performing onstage mostly naked in a few months.
We'll see how this blog goes as far as what it turns into. I prefer not to define or aim for anything, instead seeing how it flows in future. Either way, I'm sure there will be ranting galore, so do enjoy and feel free to comment if you so choose!
I figured, what better way to begin my new blog than by discussing the essence of us all, the foundation of our very existence, included in some way shape or form in every culture? Yes, I am talking about food. Food, glorious food... and, we're done with the Oliver! references. Promise.
I just finished the leftovers of a glorious sandwich from the deli across the street from my office that they call the Roast Beef Grand. This sandwich features fresh, juicy roast beef piled high atop a pleasantly grainy bread and topped with onions, tomatoes, cole slaw and a little bit of Russian dressing. I know, cole slaw, right? I never eat cole slaw - except on this sandwich, so maybe that tells you just how amazing it is.
Anyway, I begin this discussion because I think to myself just how delightfully wonderful this sandwich is, and just how sad it is that another landmark date is upon us. Oh, believe me these two thoughts are related, bear with me. You see, next Monday the nation will celebrate Labor Day (ironically by not working) heralding the titular end of summer and the beginning of fall. Children will be dragged sobbing from their beds where they until-all-too-recently had been allowed to slumber until noon or later if they so chose. No longer for them the lazy summer days filled with Wii, visiting friends, and trips to the beach. No, they must now begin their trek into their schools, resulting in a doubling of the traffic one usually sees on the morning commute (my question is - and will probably be posed again on Tuesday - where were all of these people at this time prior to Labor Day?). For many businesses and organizations the fall begins all too quickly. No longer the lighter workload allowing each person to use their much-coveted vacation time at staggered intervals during this three month period. The tasks mount and life begins anew. Indeed, one could argue that for many people Labor Day is nothing more than a slightly less glorified version of New Year's Day - those resolutions we conveniently forgot about during the summer suddenly find themselves resurrected and reinserted into our daily lives (for now).
Among those, many people use Labor Day as the "Fat Tuesday" of the summer - their last ditch effort to get in all of those last vices and pleasures before the reality of their newfound spartan existence begins. For, I ask you, what is the number one New Year's resolution, or at least what the media proffers as the leading candidate? You guessed it! Diet, exercise, lose weight, get healthy. A diet by any other name never smelled so foul.
Yes, I - along with many other people, I'd surmise - will begin the inevitable quest to "get healthier" and to get back "to normal" once more. No longer for us will there be the Roast Beef Grand sandwich to delight in. No more will there be cheese and crackers, martinis (fruity or otherwise!), mint M&Ms (which, by the way need to be outlawed), boneless buffalo wings doused in creamy blue cheese sauce. Instead, I return to the crunchy blandness of lettuce mix peppered with enough low-fat dressing to make it choke-downable. I return to the black hole of flavor that is a piece of chicken mixed with assorted vegetables. About the only thing to look forward to are the protein shakes I will get to have post-workout and throughout the day because they at least pretend to be flavored like chocolate and vanilla. Farewell to the mornings of "sleeping in" (ha!) until the late hour of 7:00 AM. Welcome back the 5:30 AM alarm clock ringings to rouse myself and kick off the day with the torturous weighlifting and cardiovascular routines that strive to turn the flavorless schlock consumed the day before into lean muscle mass.
Yes, I actually do enjoy working out and find joy in healthy food once I'm in the groove. But right now, I'm clinging to my last week of freedom to eat four cheese macaroni mixed with ground beef followed by cheesecake from Carnegie's deli. My unabashed desire (and subsequent followthrough) to order a martini sampler. I'm clinging to my additional hours of sleep and delightfully not sore limbs.
How do you think I will make this magical transformation between slothful glutton and model athlete? How can this change possibly be made overnight and maintained? Perhaps the pictures I plan on placing on the refridgerator reminding me of what I could look like if I don't stop myself from eating the entire half gallon of ice cream in one sitting; perhaps the fact that my body will probably be ready for a healthy, nutritious source of fuel; but more likely it's the realization that I might be performing onstage mostly naked in a few months.
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