Action - Reaction

So I've been pretty sick the last couple of weeks, and since that typically entails a lot of lying around in a highly medicated haze unable to do much, it often means your mind has plenty of time to run rampant. So my mind started running over many topics, one of which was where I ended up in life versus where I thought I'd end up. Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't change anything I've done including the mistakes, because they've made me who I am today; however, I always find it interesting to compare where your youthful fancies placed you versus where life leads you.

I think the single most significant thing I realized during my prescription induced coma was that I feel like I've been in a constantly reactive mode in recent years. I feel like I've had a lot of surprise twists and turns and that I've made lemonade out of the lemons along the way, so to speak. But, it doesn't negate the fact that so much of where I am is because I was bumped or pushed to where I was. It makes me wonder what happened to the the proactive go-getter element of my personality I used to have. I just feel like I've had so little drive or ambition to proactively go out and do anything, and I feel like that's maybe what's been contributing to my general sense of unease or feeling like something's missing in my life right now.

I suppose it's not much of a revelation, but while it may not be an epiphany that sends me in a new direction, perhaps it's even more important because it's telling me it's time to take control of what direction that is going to be.